There’s a doggerel: “The Lowells talk only to Cabots, and the Cabots talk only to God.” The aphorism came into being in regard to two old established Massachusetts families. Many people, including myself, have the saying wrong where the Lowells are replaced by the Lodges – another venerable New England family. They’re all interrelated by marriage, and the Lodges factor in nearly equally. Either way the message is: they keep themselves to themselves.

This expression came to mind recently when a friend, who lives halfway around the world, told me not to tell some bit of information about her to her family members who live near me. I found this amusing because: I never run into them, I’m not sure I would recognize them if I did, I can keep a secret, she has known me all our lives, and I will probably forget what she told me. Finally, I hardly talk to anyone – I’m picky.

With the work I do – my day job – I talk all day long. By the end of the day I’m not even listening to me. Accordingly, in my downtime there must be quiet, and if there is conversation, then I am unforgivingly selective to whom I might give that time. I live in a neighborhood rife with busybodies, so the practice of only talking to the Cabots and/or God I apply ruthlessly. Not only are they nosy, they are banal. If they corner me I am assaulted with a string of inanities – and it’s hard to break loose because they don’t take a breath. There’s ten minutes out of my life that I’ll never get back. I don’t want to be rude, but I must draw the line in the sand. 

Consequently, I go to ridiculous extremes to avoid them. I use different entrances, I walk in the back of the property – which is nice and woodsy – I pretend to be on the phone, preoccupied…I’ve done this so long that I am not even aware that I do it. There are, of course, some wonderful people here, but since the cosmos likes a joke I hardly see them.

I’m sure my lack of participation has tarnished my neighborhood reputation, which is my hope. My father would find this funny; he was the epitome of discretion. My mother, however, was terrible about keeping a secret – unintentionally. She was kind, but somehow, she often let something slip. Her lapses were frequent enough that one or all of us would shout, “Loose lips sink ships!” which my father told us was a slogan during World War II.

In an era where everyone chimes in and has opinions and platform(s) in which to shout them, I think the idea of keeping schtum is moribund – if not dead. Since I like a lost cause, I unconsciously am keeping it going with my friends and neighbors.

In memory of reticence and golden silence.

Clare Irwin