I was listening to the radio and happened upon a show that I follow when I can. It’s hosted by a psychotherapist who is smart, practical, engaging, and not seemingly insane. I’ve found that psychiatrists, and there have been a couple in my family, are just as nutty as the rest of us. The host was explaining in a clear and compelling way all nine personality types of the Enneagram model, what they mean, and what sort of childhood or family dynamic engenders each type. He also used as examples certain celebrities.

The psychiatrist and two of his acolytes started going through the types, not in order, or at least not in any order I could anticipate. I’m listening to the description of each personality, and how that personality emerges through early experience. I learn too that one can have sub-types. Maybe that’s like declaring a major and a minor in college. The odd thing is every type, I mean every type they describe, I exclaim (maybe some with more enthusiasm and assurance than others) That’s me! I’m like that! How can I be so many of them? And, the root causes — none of them are good. Well that’s not entirely correct, the Ego Fixation and the Basic Fear, these are not great, but the Holy Idea and the Virtue — those are attributes one could embrace. Am I a 3, a 6, a 7 or a 9? Help! Mommy! Wait…maybe not Mommy, did she having something to do with this?

Later that day I Googled the Enneagram test. Now this was also too much for me. I think depending on the day, or what is going at that moment, quite a few of these answers would change. Or maybe I’m missing the whole point. So, in my noncommittal way I answer in the middle – a lot. The test comes with a proviso that more neutral answers will render a less accurate assessment. Some of the questions I found amusing like, “I am too relaxed for my own good” — maybe. Or, “I maintain my spaces in an orderly way” – not by a long shot. And, “I have been called or described as dopey” – I can’t remember that ever happening, but who knows what goes on behind my back? Do I want to know? No. Who would?

Considering I probably didn’t take the test properly, it turns out that I am a 6, 3 & 9: the Loyalist, the Achiever, and the Peacemaker. I can’t remember which was the main one and which were the sub-types. Apparently, Jennifer Aniston and Alec Baldwin are 6, Madonna and Bill Clinton are 3, and Barak Obama and Beyoncé are 9. I’m good with that – all of them are fine company. There’s seems to be some controversy over what type Steve Jobs was – he will be enigmatic always, I guess.

The Enneagram is considered by some schools of thought to be “psychobabble” and not an accurate professional appraisal of an individual. To be sure, all generalizations are just that – general. In any event it was an entertaining exercise, listening to the analysis, taking the test, learning the origins of behavior. It’s both gratifying and self-affirming, and simultaneously alarming, upsetting and nightmare inducing. Good times!

Have fun finding yourself.

Clare Irwin